Reality Check!

I finished the book Facing Bipolar and have been in shock for the past few days. In shock because I learned the truth about my illness and I am now at the point where I have learned my reality and I am on the road to acceptance. This is why I have been able to update the blog. I have learned that some of my future goals and dreams are out of the window. My dreams of becoming an OB/GYN are probably not something that I can live out because the schedule is to inconsistent. My dream of going to the Peace Corps for two years is also never going to happen because the lack of access to a proper psychiatric support team.

There is hope on the horizon though. I can lead a very happy and successful life. I just have to make some adjustments and some career choices that provide my structure and somewhat of a normal schedule. I can be an Epidemiologist, I just can not take the MD road because the clinical rotations and overall job stress will most likely lead to a hypomanic episode or even worse a full blown manic episode. I will also have to change my volunteer work to something localized or if I go out of the country, it can only be something shorter term.

All this may be a little hard for me to process and may take a little while but I am working on it. I want to see the silver lining so that I can move on with my life. I so desperately want to take back my life. I highly recommend Facing Bipolar, it is a serious reality check that every person with bipolar disorder needs. It is also great for those who know and love someone with bipolar disorder. You will have a better understanding on the disorder and how to make it a little more manageable.

We all fall down!

I am drifting into a downward spiral of depression. Unfortunately, those people who I felt that I could trust enough to "come out" to about my disorder have disappeared. This makes me reluctant to let anyone else in on "my little secret". I wish the stigma did not exist and I could just ask for support the way someone with a physical ailment does. Sadly, this is not the case. After disclosure of this disorder, all you get is funny looks and disappearing acts by people whom you thought you could trust.

This is why I prefer not to associate with people. My history with people has been full of torment and rejection. This is why I sit here alone divulging my feeling via this blog. My life is a very sad and lonely existence. At this point, I trust no one and I would prefer not to let anyone in as a friend. I do this as my protection. This is my defense mechanism. Is there any hope for me? Only time will tell. Until then, I will stick to myself and avoid the pain as much as possible. There is no possible way that I can hurt myself the way people have hurt me.

Being Angry at Your Disorder!

If you are not going through this stage currently, then you have already experienced it. You are not alone. It is a normal reaction to be angry that you suffer from mental illness. I am just getting over being angry at my diagnoses and I am beginning to get comfortable in my own "bipolar skin".  The most important thing is to realize this simple fact, you are not mentally ill. That is not you. It does not define who you are. You happen to suffer from a mental illness.

There is a huge difference. Just like someone with diabetes or cancer, they are not cancer or diabetes, they suffer from these diseases. Mental illness is no different from any other physical illness. If you can come to this realization, then coping with your illness will begin to be much easier.

In the book Facing Bipolar, they point out that this stage of anger generally leads to feelings of hopelessness. The hopelessness stage will put you on the downward spiral down the continuum to depression. In tomorrow's blog entry. I will get into the subject of the feelings that we get of hopelessness. We are always on  an up and down roller coaster and the feelings of hopeless will no doubt come up.

If you are a teen or a young adult or are the parent of one, I highly recommend the book Facing Bipolar. It lays down the truth about Bipolar Disorder in layman's terms. There is no big terms that are understandable to mental health clinicians, it is for the general public.

The Beginning

As a young adult with Bipolar 2, I know that it can be hard and there is very little support for people like me (or us). I decided to create this blog as an outlet for me and as a way for you to express yourself. Hopefully this will grow into a network where we can grow and share with each other. We can suggest other websites and books for that we found helpful.

We can create a forum where we discuss subjects such as diagnoses, self esteem, racing thoughts and any you may find as a concern. We can also help the non-consumers (or the general public) understand us and the things we are going through. We can work to de-stigmatize mental disease.

I got a suggestion from a upper level psychology student who received a catalog for psychology professionals to take a look at the catalog because there are some great reads for us consumers. I purchased 3 books from Amazon. The links are listed below. I am beginning with Facing Bipolar: the young adult's guide to dealing with bipolar disorder by Russ Federman, Ph.D and J. Anderson Thomson, Jr., MD.

The books just arrived tonight so I am going to start reading once I complete this blog. I am very excited. I also saw on the Today Show that Janet Jackson is releasing a book tomorrow. She suffers from depression and self-esteem issues, so I am curious to hear her taking and see what sort of coping skills she uses to get through. I will also post the link for her book as well.


















Good Night and Good Luck!
Krissy