I am drifting into a downward spiral of depression. Unfortunately, those people who I felt that I could trust enough to "come out" to about my disorder have disappeared. This makes me reluctant to let anyone else in on "my little secret". I wish the stigma did not exist and I could just ask for support the way someone with a physical ailment does. Sadly, this is not the case. After disclosure of this disorder, all you get is funny looks and disappearing acts by people whom you thought you could trust.
This is why I prefer not to associate with people. My history with people has been full of torment and rejection. This is why I sit here alone divulging my feeling via this blog. My life is a very sad and lonely existence. At this point, I trust no one and I would prefer not to let anyone in as a friend. I do this as my protection. This is my defense mechanism. Is there any hope for me? Only time will tell. Until then, I will stick to myself and avoid the pain as much as possible. There is no possible way that I can hurt myself the way people have hurt me.
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