I don't know why it is but I am very sensitive to conflict. It severely depletes all of my energies and it kills my self-esteem. For this reason, I tend to shy away from people in order to avoid any potential conflict. Every single argument or conflict that I have disables me. It takes a piece of me that I can never get back. This began back in elementary school and has stuck with me ever since. I would like to figure it out.
Another thing that I am having problems with is getting proper psychiatric treatment. This is my fault for several reasons. I am very reserved. I was always taught not to talk about your problems so in a psychiatric situation, there is an internal struggle for me. On one hand, I know that it is necessary and pertinent to my mental health that I am forthcoming and tell everything to my psychiatrist in order to get proper treatment. But on the other hand, it is very hard. I feel like I am doing a dissatisfaction to my family and even embarrassing them. I feel like I should be doing exactly what I was told and keep my mouth close. However, it is harming me and is the reason why I am finding it hard to function like a normal citizen. In order to be able to lead a somewhat normal and meaningful life.
The other problem that I am having is that I feel like when I finally have the courage to let the doctor know a few sessions down the line the full extent of my issues, I don't think that will believe me. I think that they may think that I am making these symptoms up just to make my situation better (or should I say worse) than the way that I first portrayed it. So this is my problem. Any suggestions or words of encouragement would be great. Let me know how you deal.
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