Well that was a close one. For almost two weeks I had discontinued taking my Lamictal. (Side note: This is not a practice that I suggest, condone or regularly engage in however, it kinda just happens sometimes. Forgive me for being imperfect..) For the first couple of days I honestly forgot to take it. I began experiencing the normal bursts of energy that I experienced pre-diagnoses and I have to say I actually enjoyed it. I began cooking again. When I say cooking I don't mean the box or canned stuffed I mean everything from scratch including dessert. It felt great. I was receiving so many compliments for my cooking and it was a real self-esteem booster. I felt so alive. I went to Home Depot with the intention of purchasing seeds and supplies to grow my own little vegetable garden on my balcony (which I thoroughly researched on the Internet and found out that it is totally possible here in Los Angeles!)
Then I began reading more. I was back to my old routine of starting a new book every other day. I was feeling what was normal for me pre-diagnoses. I began taking care of myself again. I was concerned (not excessively but to a normal extent) with my self-image again. I actually cared! I also called a friend and initiated a dinner night with her. We went together at 10 pm and I had a great time. I wasn't anticipating going home. Lastly, what I enjoyed was I got back into my old habit of writing. Aside from this blog, I am a part-time writer for Associated Content. You see stabilization for me is somewhere between severe depression on the verge of suicide and standard behavior. When I am stabilized on Lamictal, I am completely comfortable and I prefer to be alone. I work well and I do well in school, all by myself. I prefer not to see my friends but I will talk, text or Facebook them.
When I am stabilized I am an honor roll student. When I am manic I am brilliant, top of my class. When I am depressed, I am a D student C average at best. This being the case you can understand why I have some enjoyment and preference to not taking my medication at times. I usually discontinue it when I get depressed. I can see that I am getting a bit off subject so I am going to reel myself in again and get back to how I pulled myself back together. Like I said I was feeling great in my hypo manic state, however, this weekend I kind of piled on the activities. I tend to plan a lot of things to do when I go into a manic state. I believe this is due to the fact that when I am not manic I stay indoors as much as possible.
On Saturday, I went to 3 different grocery stores to do my shopping. I came home and made tamales, which is a 3 hour process. I made cheese, chicken, and pineapple for dessert. Saturday I got up early and headed out to Americana at Brand in Glendale. I had lunch at Katsuya, dessert at LA Creamery and did some shopping. Afterwards, I drove over to Burbank to go to Ikea to buy some kitchen supplies (like I already don't have enough). As I was in line checking out, I could feel myself crashing. I became extremely cranky and lethargic. I was so pissed at the fact that I had to drive myself home. On the freeway, all of the signs seemed to be blank and did not register with me. When they started making sense again I was about 20 miles past home which is where I was headed.
Today (Sunday), I headed out to Camarillo Outlets which is probably about 25 miles from my house. I don't know why I kept driving but I was in the worst mood. Everything and everyone annoyed me. No one on the road was driving correctly. I came back home and took my little brother to the mall (again I don't know why but I had to). When I finally arrived safely home and sat down on the couch and began reading again, it dawned on me that classes begin for me tomorrow and I have to snap out of this if I want to do well. I have to bring my GPA back to at least a B average if I want to get into a decent graduate school! I gave in and reluctantly took my medication and within less than an hour I feel great. That is stable great. I can concentrate. I can engage in normal household activities. My short-term memory is suffering but I will be able to conduct myself like a normal citizen of this Earth.
Let's see how this goes!
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