My logical and illogical mind are at odds again right now. I have an interview at a law firm in the morning and the battle has begun. It's not a big job, just a file clerk position but it pays well and it has benefits and while I am working on my degree those are the most important things to me. What makes it especially enticing is the firm is located in the office building next to my apartment building. (But I guess that can be bad because I can't make up any excuses for being late!) It is kind of one of those positions that seems too good to be true. It will take me 5 minutes to get to work and I desperately need the benefits. It's just things never seem to come this easy for me so there are a lot of negative thoughts running through my mind right now.

The first thought is that they are going to hate me and they are not going to want to hire me. Then I think that I am going to totally bomb the interview. I haven't interviewed in 3 years and when I did interview I only had to go on 1 interview because I got the job immediately. Now you may be thinking that this should be one of the positive thoughts but not for me. I immediately revert back to thought #1 and that they are going to hate me and I am going to have to keep interviewing. I DO NOT take rejection very well. It makes me feel like I am less of a person and not worthy of whatever it is I am trying to get. This is the main factor that fuels my depression.

I am actually bouncing back and forth between my Twitter timeline and writing this blog and I saw a Tweet from @TheNotebook that states: "We can pretend that things don't bother us, but we all know that even the smallest thing could make us fall apart". This definitely resonates with me. I bottle things up and then I crack when I have surpassed max capacity. I have to figure out a new way to operate because this one clearly does not serve me well.

I am just hoping that I go in there tomorrow with a positive attitude, I speak well, and am articulate. I hope the Lamictal fog does not kick in and they will see what a great asset I would be to their team, because I truly would!